Archive for May, 2014

Mega-Review: Spartacus (TV Series)

So, what do you do when you get something you have been looking for everywhere and in everything? Your pulse raises, you smile and if nothing more, you scream out ‘hell yeah’ followed by an open air hi5! But what do you do when you have to part with it? You get teary, depressed, have a couple of extra beer and then write a review in its honor. Yeah, i am glad you found out that this is not about another obvious rotten love story. It is instead, a story, of my love towards a show that from being my source of free yet awesome porn, music & fights became the show i have most enjoyed, related to and belonged with.

Spartacus(IMDB: 8.7)


Around six months back i had finished watching all three seasons of GAME OF THRONES (IMDB: 9.5) great show, yes. But there was always something missing for me in it, something i would relate to, someway, if not directly. Yet, i should admit, it is one of the best shows i have seen in my life. Great show in all aspects, including the making. Then it was turn for BREAKING BAD (IMDB: 9.6). Another great show, but honestly, i couldn’t help but wish for more pace in it. Everything seemed perfect, but not the pace. At least not last two seasons, which have been called the best of all five. I did enjoy the show but more than once did i feel the lack of connect. Not that it was heavily important, but it was needed and that was missing. Then by the end of February i remembered that there was a show i tried watching when i was 18-19 years old and totally loved because it had these amazing women naked, gore fight sequences and accompanying them almost all the time was kick-ass heavy yet catchy distorted music. I don’t really remember why i stopped watching it, considering i only fast forwarded to what i wanted to watch. I am not sure if it was aired in India, but my guess would be, It was not. Even if it did i am sure no one understood diddly-squat. If you are not an Indian, you should know that the censor board for the TV and films here take their job very seriously. So much that visuals of certain fingers, lips in action and audio of the words such as ‘underwear’ are censored. Hush-hush, the kids are watching. The future of India should/can never know such vulgar things, not from us at least. We are decent, we do it behind the curtains.


Anyhoo, before i get diverted to why censor board should wear their panties, oops i meant ‘escalate their senses’, there is a little you should know about Spartacus, played by Andy Whitfield in the TV series of the same name. Whooosee this? Whoose this looseee? Sppooorrrttiiicuuuuuiisss? (Ref: Russell PetersRussell Peters – Louis Vuitton and Indians) No, i am not testing my keypad. So, who is Spartacus? Spartacus was a Thracian warrior who was taken as a gladiator post betrayal by Romans. His hot wife was sent to slavery and then later killed. So, Spartacus along with his legion of slaves goes against the Romans and pledges to be the reason for Rome’s fall and see that there are no more slaves, because every person who breaths deserves to be free. That’s such a kick-ass line. Anyway, there are more such line, go check yourself. Spartacus, who is also known as ‘bringer of rain’, for defeating four big ass gladiators at the arena, is accompanied by two more heroes. Crixus & Gannicus. Very little is written about these three in history books and/or Google, but one thing i can say for sure, they were all fuckin’ awesome. The second time when i started watching it, i just could not stop. Let’s see why.



So, season one Spartacus: Blood and Sand starts with Spartacus parting with his ‘God-she-is-hot’ wife and then surviving his execution by killing four gladiators. Did i mention that was awesome? Well, what is more awesome is when he is granted life to live like a gladiator and die fighting in the arena, he refuses to be one and in actuality, Spartacus is not his name. No, seriously. He is called Spartacus because of the way he defeated death, because of which gods blessed Rome with rain. What crap, yet, i loved it. I will tell you why. So he is purchased by Lentulus Batiatus, played by John Hannah,(yes, the guy who plays brother of Rachel Weisz  in THE MUMMY) and is taken for training where he meets Oenameus, his trainer. Remember Peter Mensah, the Persian messenger from 300 or General Joe Greller from the Incredible Hulk? He is the guy, and he stands awesome. So, Oenameus throws swords at Spartacus and commands him to fight, which he does not respond to. This angers Oenameus, he gets his whip out, shouts Spartacus and splashes it towards him. Spartacus catches it mid-air, stares back at Oenameus and says ‘That is not my name’. I was like ‘fuck that is awesome’ but then Oenameus pulls him back and Spartacus falls. Well, that is rest of the story.


So, at the Ludus, the training place of gladiators, we meet Crixus, played by Manu Bennett. Don’t know him? Saw any of the new ‘The Hobbit’ Films? Remember Azog – The defiler? He is the guy and he is awesome. Crixus is already a declared undefeated god of the arena, who is banging his owners hot wife when Spartacus and other fresh Slaves, yet to become gladiators, enter the ludus. In short, they don’t like each other, don’t agree with each other throughout the series. Only in the final episode of final season they together admit to be brothers.

Season 1 – Episode 13

Crixus to Spartacus: You know, in another life we would have been brothers.

Season 3 – Episode 10

Crixus to Spartacus: Remember what i said in Episode 13 of Season 1? Turns out it is true for this life. You moist me (He doesn’t say that, just kidding).


Second season of Spartacus was changed to a six-episode prequel mini-series entitled Spartacus: Gods of the Arena after actor Andy Whitfield was diagnosed with non-Hodgkin lymphoma. This mini-series turned out to be my most favorite. It is mainly focused on Gannicus, the only god of arena, only gladiator to have ever won his own freedom on the sands. My personal favorite character and also the actor. Played by Australian actor Dustin Clare, Gannicus, the only gladiator to always have a smile on his face, fight or no fight. Honestly i don’t fuckin’ care how Gannicus was in actuality because i totally loved the way Dustin Clare lived him and that is how i want to believe Gannicus was. Lived for the love of wine and cunt. That charm every time he enters the arena and kills with that smile of his face. It was the strong script that dominated the first season for me. Whereas for me, Gannicus was the guy who holds the grip throughout the second season and also the third. We will get there. So the second season is dedicated towards Gannicus, his relationship with Oenameus, Melitta (Oenameus’s wife), played by beautiful Marisa Ramirez and Crixus, who longs to be the god of arena like Gannicus. This miniseries is a prequel to season one so Crixus is not yet the undefeated god.


Full length second season  Spartacus: Vengeance returned with  Liam McIntyre, who replaces Andy Whitfield, when the actor’s cancer recurred and he later died on September 11, 2011. Honestly, i think Liam Mclntyre looked better as Spartacus than Andy Whitefield. Not taking anything away from Andy Whitefield. R.I.P. So story continues from where it ended in season one, Spartacus leading  the gladiator rebellion begins to strike fear into the heart of the Roman Republic. Gaius Claudius Glaber, a Roman army legatus who is responsible for Spartacus’ enslavement as a gladiator and his Roman troops are sent to Capua to crush Spartacus’ growing band of freed slaves before they can inflict further damage. Spartacus is given a choice between satisfying his personal need for vengeance against the man who condemned his wife to slavery and eventual death, or making the larger sacrifices necessary to keep his budding army from breaking apart. Here we come across other obvious issues Spartacus has to face leading. Very well written, like shortage of food, clash of the egos of the gods and differences between freed slaves. In this season we also see Gannicus, who has won his own independence being offered to join Rome to see Spartacus’ fall, but little does he show interest.


Season three, Spartacus: War of the Damned follows the final struggle between Spartacus and Marcus Licinius Crassus. Crassus pursues Spartacus as he struggles to feed his ever growing army of former slaves. Spartacus wins several victories against Crassus’ forces and continues to frustrate the Romans. This season sees Crixus parting ways with Spartacus with about half the slaves in order to attack Roman Republic for vengence. Gannicus makes it clear to Spartacus that he still finds his motives stupid and that he will lead everyone to death. Yet he decides to stay by Spartacus side in honor of Oenameus and Melitta. Another high point of the series is Todd Lasance who plays Gaius Julius Caesar a handsome young rogue from an esteemed lineage and his deadly intelligence and skill with a sword will be brought to bear against the rebellion as he begins his ascent towards the all-powerful ruler he will one day become, and Christian Antidormi as Tiberius Licinius Crassus – the eldest son of Marcus Licinius Crassus, and his father’s “word, and will” in Crassus’ army.


   The series culminates in a direct all out battle between Spartacus and Crassus. Without any doubt my favorite episode of all is the final of the final season. Brilliant dialogues, that are there throughout the series, but what makes it more special this time is the situation. Spartacus and Crassus talk face to face right before the battle begins. Here is a little of how it goes.


Marcus Crassus: My hands are so moved toward the memory of my son. As yours toward wife no longer…

Spartacus: Do not think to place your loss on equal footing! Your son took up arms for the republic – the same one that saw my innocent wife torn from grasp, condemned to slavery and death.

Marcus Crassus: And now you would lead thousands to join her in futile attempt?

Spartacus: Whatever happens to my people, it happens because *we* choose for it. *We* decide our fates; not you, not the Romans, not even the gods.

Marcus Crassus: Would you have been born a Roman and stood besides me.

Spartacus: I bless the fates it was not so.”


There are more memorable moments for me but yet there was one such in the final episode that got tears to my eyes. Crixus had fallen, Spartacus too when he is pierced from behind, but Gannicus gets captured, courtesy of Caesar and is crucified with other captured slaves. He remembers his moments on the sands, the crowd cheering for him as he stood the only undefeated god of the arena. He screams and tears roll down both of our eyes. How it felt to be a great Gladiator, to be free and to die this way around the same crowd who once cheered him as a god. I had become a fan of Dustin Clare. Then this lovely series ends in a very touchy way. Spartacus is taking his last breath staring somewhere in the sky, maybe looking for his wife. There are slaves around him crying and calling out his name ‘SPARTACUS’ and this is what he says, “Spartacus? huh… that is not my name!”, and then he dies.


Now that you’ve read this, don’t presume that this was a spoil for you. I haven’t mentioned many Characters and Situations. To name one ‘Ashur’, played amazingly by Nick E. Tarabay. Go watch it, find out yourself and you will love it more with every episode. For me, there wasn’t a single episode Where i didn’t scream “Kill them, kill them all”. I give it Four and a half mugs of beer.


Here are some of the memorable quotes:

Spartacus: There are many men in this place that I would see dead. You are not among them.

Batiatus: [referring to Ilithyia] The snake arrives, walking as if human.

Spartacus: [as he catches whip with his wrist] That is not my name.

Gannicus: I have had my fill of words and tearful farewells. I desire blood and cries of our enemy.

Gannicus: I knew you’d lead these men to their deaths eventually. Is this the day you would do it?

Ilithyia:[referring to Spartacus] The duality of his kind: admired as a gladiator; yet despised as a slave.


One Mug o’ Beer – Curses, Machood, Bhenchood!
Two Mugs o’ Beer – Lame, Gandu, Chutiya.
Three Mugs o’ Beer – Nothing Great, Nothing Great.
Four Mugs o’ Beer – Lovely, Sahi hai!
Five Mugs o’ Beer – Great, fuck-Mazaa aa gaya!

My Last Lenore.


I was once followed by a fire flower.
Dazzled when I looked at her, she shied away.
When I called, she flew to the blooded morning sun.
With the fear of being burnt again.

I was hooked and so I followed her light.
Against the wind, chucked pines won’t let me go.
But I remembered the pain bestowed on her fragile tides.
What caused it, I wanted to know.

In the snow I found the mark of her dreary leaf.
Scared, fled, dragged, ragged or red.
Questions rose faster than the falling snow.
Why would beauty part itself from its beloved?

Through wind she sent her whisper
‘Behold its not the snow.
With this raindrop let me flow’
And with whisper my slumber broke.

I was once summoned by a fire flower.
Awake, for her dream I sore.
With shattered vibrancy and broken pictures,
I write her my last Lenore.

Tonight, I long to talk to her once more.
Want to brush her hair once more.
Once more I want to hug her tight.
Tonight, I want to kiss her once more.

Tonight, I want to touch her cheek with mine.
Want to dance with her all night.
Once more I want to hold her tight.
Tonight, I want to love her once more.


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